The Woman in the Ivory Gown

A funny thing happened on the way to church today, my little baby girl became all grown up. I mean it, it seems as if I left my home this morning, I arrived at the church, and there was this beautiful young woman dressed in an incredible Ivory Gown, and they kept telling me she was my daughter. How could this happen? I still thought of her as my little girl. Scraping her knee and coming to me crying. Bringing me her report card with the one B- and a sincere tear in her eye. There I was at the church, and they keep telling me how beautiful my daughter is, and all I want to do is go over to her and hug her, tell her I love her, fix her boo-boos. Wow, what just happened here?

I was able to control the shaking in my knees long enough to walk this picture of radiance down this plastic white runner and stumble through some words that sounded like "Her mother and I do". Oh my Gosh, I think I forgot to kiss her. Then some guy in a really nice suit said some more words about this nice young man and that beautiful woman on the stage. All I kept hearing was my baby girls little voice calling to me and her mom from her bed at night.

Why does everyone keep congratulating me?

Those two people on the stage kissed, It was a nice quick kiss. I think I was glad about that. That nice guy in the suit said something about being pleased to announce "Mr. and Mrs. Jonathan Ayoub" and everybody was clapping and yelling and screaming. Who are these people and where is my baby girl?

Dinner came, it tasted good, but was kinda cold. What a surprise. They told me I had to dance with this beautiful young lady, I hope my wife doesn't get jealous, me dancing with this incredibly beautiful young woman in the Ivory Gown. So many people were crying, why is that, I was lucky to dance with her. Why does my wife have that smile on her face?

We got to have some cake. Cake always reminds me of my Grandmother. I am not sure why, I wish she and papa were here today to see the beautiful young woman in the Ivory Gown. I think that would of made them very happy. Now someone is pulling on my coat, telling me I have to give a speech. I would like to tell you what I said.

"A funny thing happened on the way to church today, my little baby grew up. I think about blessings, real blessings that affect our lives forever. In this world, I know we should expect very few real blessings. Blessings that we and our friends remember for a lifetime. I think about the day that I was married. I had family members taking wagers if my wedding would last a year, and now 28 years and 2 weeks later I can still glance across the table and see my beautiful wife.

That day was a real blessing.

The days that my children were born - Psalm 127 reads "Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of ones youth."

Those days were a real blessing.

Our kids then grow up and all of a sudden the kids are out of the house and then a father waits, and if the planets align, and the stars are in phase, God performs a real blessing and our children find a Godly mate. A mate that a father can have confidence in, knowing he will do the right thing in taking care of a fathers child. I believe that my daughter today, has found that man, and I can release her to him with peace and joy.

That is a real blessing.

Jonathan, you now have my daughter as your wife. Love her as you have loved nothing else before. Praise her for her strengths, teach her when she needs knowledge, learn from her when you are weak and take joy daily in her presence.

Brooke, follow his Godly lead, pray for him when he looses focus, and pray for him when he is focused. You both have my blessings and love and I pray that your life together is as much of a blessing as my life has been with your mother. I love you both.

Now lets lift our glasses, To Jonathan and Brooke - May your days together be long and joyful, May your love be visible to all and may my grandchildren be plentiful and beautiful. Cheers."

Well that is over. Why do I cry so? It is harder and harder to see that little girl in my mind anymore. That young woman in the Ivory Gown is so beautiful, and I love her so. That woman is my daughter and I now have a new son. That is a real blessing.

I Know She is Hot .... But Can She Cook? Chapter 1

A Treatise on Relationships by a Regular Guy.

Chapter 1 - "I mean Really, Can She Cook?"

The ability of your mate at mealtime is at least 10.638 times more important than their abilities in bed. Let me repeat, the ability of your mate at meal time is at least 10.638 times more important than their abilities in bed. I am sure Freud and Dr. Ruth will disagree with this. After all, everything they speak and write about seems to refer to sex. Don't get me wrong, sex is great. Sex is really, really great. I love sex. Did I mention that sex was great? But, I do not believe it is the most important part of a real relationship.
Pertaining to the frequency of sex, it has been said that "You will have sex more in your first year of marriage than you will for the rest of your years of marriage combined." I do not know who officially said that - but I heard that quote from my Pastor's wife. It must be true. I am not sure I believe it, but it has been quoted often. I do know that 317,000 people worldwide participated the the 2005 Durex Sex Survey. Durex manufactures condoms, for those of you who did not know who the were. The survey published the following about the frequency of sex.

Globally, people are having sex an average of 103 times a year, with men (104) having sex more often than women (101)

35-44 year olds are having the most sex - 112 times compared to just 90 times for 16-20 year olds and 108 times for 25-34 year olds

One in five adults have sex 3-4 times a week and 5% have sex once a day

The Greeks top the league at 138 times a year, closely followed by the Croatians (134), Serbian Montenegrins (128) and the Bulgarians (127)

Lovers in Japan are the least amorous, having sex just 45 times a year. Nations among the least sexually active include Singapore (73), India (75) and Indonesia (77)

I am glad I do not live in Japan.

I write about sexual frequency, not for you to compare yourselves to the scientific norm. That is not what this book is about. I am sure each of you is exceeding 103 times per year. (Yeah right!). A family member recently said something to this effect about that statistic "Two times per week? I can't remember three times per month and I get tired just thinking about it." But, I am writing about sexual frequency to make a mathematical comparison. Lets look at the math.

On average, the healthy human worldwide has 103 sexual events per year. 103 sexual events per year times 7 days per week divided by 365.25 days per year (leap year included) equals 1.974 sexual event per week.

Therefore, we, on average, as a human race are having sex 1.974 times per week.

The number in Japan is not quite as high. Again, I am glad I don't live in Japan.

Why is 1.974 times per week important? Not because you or I have sex more or less that the average. I think it is important in the overall influence on the relationship because of how small that number is when compared to other things that we do more often in our day to day management of our relationship. Let's look at meals.

WebMD, in writing about "the Benefits of Nutrition in Weight Loss" states:

"Never go more than 4-5 hours without food. Skipping meals encourages binging and crushes your willpower. By making sure your eat 3 meals per day you can control your hunger and manage your appetite."

We all know we should eat three meals per day. Even people in jail get "Three Hots and a Cot." So lets do some more math. This one is real easy

There are seven days in a week. Seven days times three meals equals 21 meals per week.

They even eat 21 meals per week in Japan. I like Sushi.

I like to eat. I like to eat many different items with many different tastes. I especially like to eat food that has been expertly prepared. Food that tastes great. Food that tantalizes my taste buds. Food that makes me want to makes purring noises when I eat. Food that looks as good as it tastes. Food, that when you bite into it, seems to make all of the issues of the day disappear. I also like to eat 21 times per week. I like to eat so much that my favorite channel is Food Network. If my son doesn't marry Briana (They are not even dating, but I think she would be a great daughter-in-law and wife for my son) I hope my son marries Racheal Ray. That way I could go to Christmas at their house and she could cook us a 30-Minute Meal for $40.00.

Let's get back to the subject. I am pretty sure about the following math.

21 Meals per week divided by 1.974 sexual events per week equals 10.638 meals per sexual event.

In Japan it would equal 21.362 meals per sexual event. That would be OK as long as you really like alot of Sushi.

In our culture, we seem to place so much emphasis on Sex. Sex is all over our airwaves. All over our billboards. There is so much emphasis on it in every aspect of our lives. Don't misread me, sex is important to a good healthy relationship. But not as important as our society seems to imply. I believe it is not as important as many other things in our lives are. In particular, cooking. As I have mathematically proven in this chapter, a mates skills in the kitchen are at least 10.638 times more important to a relationship as the mates abilities in bed. Give me a great sexual experience and we have the makings of a great night. Give me a great meal, and we have the makings of a great life.

I Know She is Hot, But Can She Cook?

A Treatise on Relationships by a Regular Guy.

Introduction

This is not a sexist book. I repeat, I am not a sexist and this is not a sexist book. There, I got that out of the way.

I am a regular guy. I do normal things. I am not pretty and I have never written a book. Therefore, if you do not want to read about relationships from a regular, normal guy, who is not pretty and has never written a book, this is where you should stop.

I was married to my wife on October 28, 1978. In todays marriage metrics, I have been married a long time. Married once and only once. I married my wife when I was the ripe old age of eighteen, plus seven days. At my wedding, I had immediate family members taking wagers against the blessed union lasting until October 28, 1979. My best man was recommending a quick trip to Tijuana, rather that the trip upstairs to the altar. I had two children by the time I was twenty, I had family members die within a couple of years of my wedding. I and my wife had to sometimes live with our parents and that lack of privacy. I had no money, and no education to make money. I experienced all the challanges that could tear a marriage apart. Yet, on October 28, 2006, I and my wife will celebrate 28 years of marriage. I have been married a long time.

I know how I made my relationship last, and I believe it will last forever.

There will be no real science in this treatise. Just science according to me. Hopefully, you will find pieces and parts that touch your heart. Some you may find humourous, some you may not. Some you may agree with and much you may not. All I know, is it has worked for this regular guy. I know I do not have a blueprint to that perfect relationship. I like to think of it as more a stack of post-its, or hand written notes on napkins that just seem to make sense. I hope and pray, that you may pick up one those napkins or post-it notes or even two and that it has the same positive effect on your relationship as it has had on mine.

I will be writing this book over several months, posting it online as it develops in my mind. I would appreciate your comments and constructive critiques. As you see the flavor of my stories and thoughts, you may decide that you would like to collaborate with your own stories and findings on relationships. If they work and make sense, I will include them and give writing credit where it is due. Thank you for taking your precious time to read and comment.

Best Regards
Jim

A Father's Son

The following is from Wikipedia - The Free Encyclopedia.

Jason (Greek: Ιάσων, Etruscan: Easun) is a hero of Greek mythology who led the Argonauts in the search of the Golden Fleece. His father was Aeson, the rightful king of Iolcus. Jason is a common given name for a male. It comes from Greek origin, meaning "healer". There is a female alternative, Jacin, derived from the spanish name Jacinta, or the americanized version Jacinda- meaning Hyacinth.

Readers of this blog have read that I have a daughter who will soon be married. What you may not know is that I also have an incredible son who lives in New York. I seems that it was just yesterday that he was a bright eyed six year old running around in blue shorts on the Idaho Soccer fields. He has grown to be a kind and caring young man, who understands the value of a hard days work and takes joy in the tug of a fish at the end of a wetted line. He is passionate about life, and especially passionate about "Our San Diego Chargers".

I enjoy speaking with my son often. Lately, our discussions have revolved around fishing. Fishing on Long Lake, fishing in the Adirondaks. It pleases me that he takes joy in this pastime. I think about the many hours that I have fished and was very happy to find the Babylonian Proverb which reads:

"The gods do not deduct from man's allotted span the hours spent in fishing."

We have found this common passion, our common commune with nature. Where we tie a man made object at the end of a line. That line is thrown to a point in the water and then hope arises. John Buchan has written that

"The charm of fishing is that it is the pursuit of what is elusive but attainable, a perpetual series of occasions for hope."

I gladly repeat, it pleases me that my son takes joy in fishing. I take joy in my son.

As my Son grew, I cannot say I was always there for him. I did the best that I could. But, I was always amazed by him. He is so smart, so brilliant, but at the same time seems to take satisfaction is the little things. He seems to have grown not to be a "Player". He takes the idea of a relationship very serious. Would rather not have lots of girlfriends, so he can spend time finding the right "One". He said to me last year " Dad, I have to go back to church, so I can find a wife that will really love me and be loyal to me". I believe loyalty is very important to him. Even to this day - he routinely amazes me.

When one looks at the meaning of his name, we find it means "Healer". I like the definition provided by www.healthy.net:

That which authentically heals, whether it is an idea, a personal action, a medicine or a health practitioner who assists in activating the natural healing capacity of the body, mind, spirit.

As a young father, I saw this healing power in action through Jason. The way that he healed me from bein an immature young adult male to being a father. The incredible passion that eminated from my bride as she held him and nurtured him. My wife definately found her niche, being a mother, through our children. After my grandmother died, Jason and I made a trip to see my grandfather. The joy in my Papa's face just to see him and spend time with him. My Papa has gone to be with Grandma now, yet that visit still provides healing for me at the loss of my Grandfather.

God has great plans for Jason, this I know deep in my soul. God will provide him an amazing woman. Give them beautiful children and Jason will continue to provide healing. I love my son, as a father, as a friend and as a mentor. I look forward to see him grow as a man.

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Woo hoo - A Wedding

A wedding is being planned and I am so happy for my daughter and Jonathon. She has found her Godly man and she is so happy. I really like this young man. He follows God and seems to have a solid grip on life. As a father, it is all I could want.

Now, I must become Daddy Wedding Bucks. I don't mind, and my baby is being so careful with the budget. I like that. I went to a wedding recently and they had "Padrinos". I had never heard of that before, but they got their name in the bulletin, special flowers to wear and front row seats. Cool. So how do I find "Padrinos" for my little girls day?

I have decided to sell advertising spots strategically placed on the wedding party and in the building. Maybe Nike would like their logo on the back of my tux? Maybe Nascar style? Every inch of space on the wedding dress could be made available. Would the Photographer like their banner and logo up on the wall. I am positive my daughter would not mind. Strategic spots in the bulletin are still available.

So, that is my idea. Let me know if you are interested. Call 1-866-Dumb-Dad

The Pain of Separation

This week I read a touching blog of a young very talented friend. It brought me to tears.

Yes Big Old gruff Jim has tears right at this moments. It happens to me often, when I watch Field of Dreams or movies where there is a strong father/son reunion. I know that reunion will never occur for me until I see Jesus, and then hopefully I will see my Dad.

I miss him so!

I was adopted when I was 12 by Donald Cleveland Ranes. He married my mom and took on her two children. He fathered me, taught me to be a man, gave me the evidence of what a real father should be like. How a real father should act. A real man and father. There at all my games, trying to coach, taking me camping, fishing. Providing evidence of how a man was to act and take care of his family.

At 18, we found out he had cancer. He lived for about 2 years - long enough to see his first Grandchild born, My incredible son Jason. My daughter never met her grandfather and in two months she is marrying a fine young man. Oh how I wish he were here to see this day. I have to pause right now as the tears flow.....

Many mistakes have punctuated my life - I was not always there for my incredible Wife and Kids - yet they still love me. Even with all my character flaws they still love me.

The day my Dad died, I did not go to the hospital. I made a conscious decision not to. I justified it by saying that I wanted remember him well, and not dying. What a huge mistake. To this day, I regret not being there when he went to be with Jesus. Not there to hold his hand. Not there to tell him that I love him. Without a doubt, my greatest life regret to this point in time and today, it really hit me how much I miss him.

I implore all who read this, take the time to love on your family. Give them hugs and kisses every night. Take joy in the minutes that you have. For they may truly only be minutes. I miss my Dad, and it hurts right now. I know Christ has filled that void, and I take solice in that, but right now I choose to live in this sadness and pain